We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I think your dad took our porno
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
