none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
