That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize