I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
