Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
