I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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