just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
