I haven't been this sober since birth.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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