So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Randomize
