yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
