I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
