I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
