I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
