he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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