This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
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Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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