I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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