Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
