I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
