If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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