3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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