i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Rumble strips road head = magical
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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