So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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