You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
