Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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