i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
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i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
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I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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