Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
He kissed a someone with a penis
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize