Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
