I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
