im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
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We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
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I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
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