Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
