There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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