tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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