sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
