Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
