I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
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I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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