I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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