you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
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Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
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My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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