If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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