i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
