So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
