Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Dating After Heartbreak
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor