I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
