This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
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We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
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HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Still dying that you shit outside
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear