There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode