I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
did i walk over a car last night?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear