If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room