UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!