Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
