hotel room ftw
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
