Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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