I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
