Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
