Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
