I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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