plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
