his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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