I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
