No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I am midnight drunk by noon
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
