im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
