Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
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I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
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I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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