The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
two words: eviction party
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize