I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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