Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
